Reality of my first lover

God Knows what is the best for Us

One day, a week after our marriage, my  first Lover  tell me a  me to express her loves deep from her hearts  

Dear honey , I was sleeping all day  and  dreaming a fantacy.

Actually I feel that our real love start after marry 
when both know each other in real and they much care of each other 

With the time passage , automatically  create love in heart as husband and wife and this is a practical life, and it was true indeed.
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in next life, in hereafter life

Thirty two years ago, I was in complex situation , but i did understand it is my will to live with you by heart, I don’t want to loss you and don’t disappointed my hope
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

I would like to tell u truth and never be away from you , expecting you also never disappointed me in our life

You also first and last love for me, i wish our life like a pairs of heavenly lover, love each other, forever with our honesty, our sincerity

Actually we have done much to our best to have a very good family  and we did , my dear, at least till you have gone to here after life , in heaven
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

Since you have gone to heaven, I keep wishing that you with me again and we walk whole day, the whole week, the whole month , the whole years  roaming our life again , in good  pleasant memories that we used to be.
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

Remember when you say ; I just know one thing  you are the first and last love for me forever till my last time ? 
I just smile and joke to you that if you left me, then i will find second lover .... and you jealously bit me
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

Remember when you told me ; I don’t want to loss you , and when you told me your life will be empty if i am not around you ?  actually I feel the same   , my dear.

Since you have gone to heaven, I miss you a lot, promise me you will wait me there, finally
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

Remember when you told me ; you know very well that i really love  you  till my life ended. and we did , my dear
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

If my honesty could be painted in essay then  i would like to write that Love is always base on honest sincerity faith understanding my love, yes you were right, my dear

I remember one time in tea forest when you told me that one thing in whole life, you will always in love with me and you know I love you the way you love me too..   and this proven by thirty two years living together, my dear

You are an angel for me for my life, whole life and for our family too, having you  by the will of Allah 
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

And you will b always an angel for me forever
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

It’s happened and to be remember forever……..  something separates our love one forever, after suffering so many year of kidney failure… just  of God will ….. to our destiny.

I will always remember when you choose the color of dress to work, my dress to parties and my watch to wear in daily 
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

I will always remember when we both stole a glance behind our friends, taking advantage to hold you and touching each others when in the bus going to work.

And I will always remember your jealousy on the girl who so nice to me .
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

God have decided to gave  a trial to test our patient for our love's destiny in life...... but  believe me, It even improve our faith to God Al mighty  indeed..... in wordy life and hereafter life.

It was a Burden tragic ....... a unexpected sad burden tragedy for us, but we should accept God Almighty will ...........for our destiny..... because our faith to Allah.

This is my sad essay I wrote, leaving a note that one time, we were in love ..........  and still in love to the end , and God knows what is the best for us......
Bring back all our memories, when  we meet in  next life, in hereafter life

Today is the first day of the rest of our remaining life…… juts for remembrance we were once in love for thirty two years…….and bring  our love forever  to the grave.

Syafuan Gani

January 2013

Doha, Qatar